The Umbrella Academy: Number 5’s Best Quotes

Key Takeaways

• Five feels superior to his siblings due to his vast knowledge from time travel.
• Five’s iconic quotes depict his cynical and sarcastic nature throughout the show.
• Five’s vulnerability and acknowledgment of mortality add depth to his character in season three.

The highly anticipated release of The Umbrella Academy‘s season three has brought fans flooding back to this fantastic show. It’s led people to enjoy dance battles, watch another apocalypse, and reminisce on the characters they so adore.

One such character is Number Five. He’s smart, a bit sarcastic, and rather selfish, but a joy to watch throughout. His relationship with his family members is difficult at best, but it’s one that still brings respect and some hilarious lines. Whether The Umbrella Academy fans love or hate him, it’s undeniable that he comes out with some golden quotes. Here are his most memorable ones.

Updated on November 20, 2024, by Chris Harkin: Although The Umbrella Academy has now come to an end, the show leaves a great legacy behind for many of its characters. Perhaps the most iconic of the group remains Number 5, played by Aidan Gallagher with a maturity that makes it easy to forget how young he still is even now. His infamous lines from throughout the four seasons of The Umbrella Academy remain in the minds of many viewers and fans. With such a wealth of content around 5’s presence on the show, it is likely that more quotes will be added in the future as fans reminisce about their favorite moments on the show.

12 “Well It Would If You Were Smarter”

Five’s Main Personality Trait Is Feeling Superior To His Siblings

• Said In Episode 1×01
• Said To Diego

Although he loves his siblings and is constantly trying to help them stop the next apocalypse, Five really does have a superiority complex after his time spent in desolate futures. He believes he is the smartest of the Academy, and while that is likely true, he is also incredible at giving off to everyone else about how much they don’t know whenever he can.

Immediately after returning from the future, Five starts to condescend to them, particularly Diego, about his lack of knowledge on future events. This set the tone for Five’s relationship with his siblings; looking younger but having a huge volume of knowledge, and making sure everyone else knows all about it.

11 “The Future, It’s Sh*t By The Way”

Sums Up All Of Five’s Random Side Quests Away From The Group

• Said In Episode 1×01
• Said To The Entire Academy

Another great moment from the very first episode of The Umbrella Academy is one of Five’s first lines in the series. After arriving from the desolate future, and being asked where he was by his siblings, this is his answer. It is also indicative of a recurring theme where Five would go on side quests throughout the series and find out something horrible about a timeline or the future.

Five, despite trying constantly to save the world and the future, is pretty pessimistic. This line sets the tone for his role as a harbinger of doom and is fairly depressed throughout the whole show. His trademark style was set immediately, his character standing out beyond any of the other siblings despite being introduced last of them all in the show.

10 “We Didn’t Choose This Life, We’re Just Living It”

Speaks To The Entire Academy’s Cursed Role In Life

• Said In Episode 1×07
• Said To The Rest Of The Academy

Typically when a new show begins people will tune in and accept what is being shown. If a group of children are brought up horrendously and trained to be superheroes, people will usually just go along with it. No one ever thinks about why or what they have to say about it unless it is actually said.

That’s what makes Five so fantastic. He brings to light these important questions and forces fans to really analyze these lost characters. They may be problematic, but the siblings never had a choice growing up and no one should be forced to go through what they go through.

9 “Wonder If It’s Too Late To Be Un-Adopted”

Sums Up Five’s Exhaustion With This Life

• Said In Episode 2×04
• Said To Himself

The majority of The Umbrella Academy is filled with sarcasm, wit, and trauma. As such the characters often fail to recognize the extent to which they are damaged. Nevertheless, they never fail to recognize the better quality of life they would have had if they were only kept with their original parents.

Five’s reaction and joke about wanting to be unadopted may be funny, but it hints at a real regret for being brought up the way he has. It’s a slap in the face for the viewers to really see what the world and life would have been like if they weren’t adopted.

8 “That’s One Badass Stapler”

Memories Of The Good Ol’ Superhero Days

• Said In Episode 1×01
• Said To A Random Criminal

When The Umbrella Academy shows off the family fighting as a group, viewers really get a sense of their power. These people are trained heroes and have been forced to master their powers through some rather questionable methods. Sometimes that can be easily lost through the constant fighting and sarcastic comments.

Other times, that can be perfectly combined into pristine fighting scenes filled with witty comments when Five is getting on the bank robber’s nerves and forcing him to unknowingly fight with a stapler. It’s classic, hilarious, and shows just how skilled they really are.

7 “Can You Give That Mannequin Something New To Wear? She Likes Sequins”

Taking Care Of Those He Cares About The Most… In His Own Way

• Said In Episode 1×09
• Said To A Shop Assistant

Five was lost in time for ages. It’s something that he’s never truly gotten over and will forever be a point of trauma for him. However, despite that trauma, the creators of The Umbrella Academy have still managed to make being trapped in an apocalypse for years funny.

This is predominantly due to the love affair Five had with the Mannequin, Dolores. This love was hilarious, kind of sweet, and made fun of a lot, which only made it funnier really. Nevertheless, Five seems to really care about Dolores, even going so far as to get a worker to dress her in sequins.

6 “And If You Call Me Young Man One More Time I’m Going To Put Your Head Through That D**m Wall”

Five Is Fed Up With Being Trapped In A Youthful Body

• Said In Episode 1×2
• Said To A Random Office Worker

It’s well known by now that Five is not the age he looks. He’s canonically a 58-year-old man in a 13-year-old body which he often expresses that he finds hard to deal with, especially puberty.

Nevertheless, one thing Five clearly doesn’t deal well with is being treated like a child. He may use it to his advantage on occasion but when threatened or made to feel like a child he won’t hesitate to fight back. This is all the more entertaining when a 13-year-old is threatening a grown man.

5 “You’re Alive. That’s…Great. Or Possible Horrible”

Mixed Reactions When Five Realizes What’s Happened To The Timeline

• Said In Episode 3×01
• Said To Ben

Losing Ben was a terrible loss for the Umbrella Academy. It was pushed into the children that it was their fault and many blamed themselves for it. Therefore, seeing Ben alive and well in season three but as a part of the Sparrows brought along mixed reactions.

One such mixed reaction was that of Five who seemed to be struggling with his emotions and his calculating brain. He initially thought it was wonderful to see Ben alive but then his thoughts started processing the impact of this timeline and what could have happened.

4 “Truly Happy For You Viktor”

A Moment Of Genuine Sibling Bonding

• Said In Episode 3×02
• Said To Viktor

Viktor coming out as trans in season 3 of The Umbrella Academy was an element fans knew about months before it happened. Everyone debated how it would happen and what the other characters would do when he revealed himself. Thankfully, the situation was handled fantastically well and many of the characters seemed to either accept the change or actively congratulate him on finding himself.

Five held a rare moment of sincerity toward Viktor, something he hasn’t really done to him for the majority of the show. It was lovely to see the kindness come out for a bit and show that at their core, they all love each other beyond belief.

3 “You Know What They Call A Hero Who Works Alone, And Doesn’t Listen To Anybody? A Villain.”

A Wonderful Breakdown Of The Superhero/Supervillain Blurred Line

• Said In Episode 3×07
• Said To Viktor

This quote has an impact on a multitude of people. There was already tension in the group at this point and hurtful words were being thrown around constantly, however, this one just made a lot of fans question the logic.

The Umbrella Academy’s members are nothing like the Sparrows. They are unorganized, they don’t really like each other, and none of them listen to anyone but themselves. So for Five to say what he said felt a bit hypocritical considering his solo missions and desire to be on his own.

2 “I Cheated Time So Much I Guess I Just Figured I’d Somehow Cheat Death”

Five Faces His Own Mortality After So Long

• Said In Episode 3×05
• Said To Diego

Season three seems to bring a new element to The Umbrella Academy. It has the same jokes, bloody fights, and fantastic powers, but this time it also has the addition of a pinch of vulnerability within each character. Allison struggles with the loss of her daughter and husband, Viktor with the loss of Sissy, Luther with the loss of self, and Five with the loss of control.

Throughout the show, viewers have seen Five always trying to be the smartest man in the room. He knows everything, is a great fighter, and has powers that just seem to be perfect for the situation they land themselves in. It would be understandable for him to think he was immortal. So watching himself die in the way he did rightly had an impact. It was just nice to see that admitted, even if it wasn’t exactly during a heart-to-heart.

A Great Way To Describe The Latest World-Ending Threat

• Said In Episode 3×04
• Said To Lila

Five is a 58-year-old man who is incredibly smart and has an understanding of timelines and paradoxes like no other. Yet sometimes that intellect forces him to think he is better than everyone else. Such arrogance promotes him speaking down to his siblings on multiple occasions. This is both rude for them but brings out some hilarious descriptions of what is already a world-ending black hole.

Instead of just saying it’s a black hole that will destroy literally everything, he had to put a funny and inappropriate spin on it. He may be an adult but sometimes that maturity only reaches the 13-year-old.