Game Of Thrones: The Funniest Quotes

Highlights

• Game of Thrones is known for its powerful performances and stellar cast, delivering both dramatic and comic moments.
• Humor is used in the show to help characters cope with tough times and enemies, resulting in some of the best funny quotes.
• The show is TV-MA and some quotes have been censored due to their harsh language.

HBO’s Game of Thrones is jam-packed with powerful performances from a stellar star cast. Actors such as Sean Bean who portrayed the honorable Lord Eddard Stark of Winterfell, Peter Dinklage who portrayed Tyrion Lannister, Kristofer Hivju who played the flamboyant Wildling, Tormund Giantsbane, and many others pulled off dramatic performances and at the same time did thorough justice to the comic elements in dialogue.

Game of Thrones is predominantly known for Westeros’ cutthroat politics, but there are moments where humor helps various characters cope with tough times and the enemy. The show knows no shortage of funny quotes, and here are the best to begin with.

Game of Thrones is a TV-MA show, and many quotes have been censored due to their harsh language.

10 “I Understand That If Any More Words Come Pouring Out Your Mouth, I’m Gonna Have To Eat Every Chicken In This Room.”

The Hound

• Season 4, Episode 1 “Two Swords.”

As the Hound plans to take Arya to the Eyrie to ransom her to Lysa Arryn, the duo arrives at a tavern. Hungry and penniless, they inspect five horses from behind the bushes, and Arya happens to recognize one of the Lannister men named Polliver who captured her party and took them to Harrenhal in Game of Thrones season 2.

The duo enters the tavern and Polliver immediately approaches the Hound, knowing he has deserted the Lannister army at the Blackwater. They have a run-in, and the Hound ends up threatening Polliver in a funny and chaotic manner while Arya sits there admiring the sass of her foster father.

9 “What The **** Is A Lommy?”

The Hound

• Season 4, Episode 1 “Two Swords.”

…says the Hound about Arya’s companion, Lommy Greenhands who was murdered by the Lannister man-at-arms, Polliver while they were traveling north to the Black.

In Game of Thrones season 2, episode 3 “What Is Dead May Never Die,” the Gold Cloaks come looking for Robert’s illegitimate son, Gendry. They attack the Night’s Watch recruits and all hell breaks loose when Yoren refuses to give Gendry up to the Gold Cloaks.

Yoren is outnumbered and killed and Polliver pokes an injured Lommy right through the neck. Later, when Arya spots him outside the tavern in Game of Thrones season 4, she recalls, “He [Polliver] killed Lommy.” The name sounds unusual, and the Hound sure knows a funny way to point that out.

8 “The Big Woman Still Here?”

Tormund Giantsbane

• Season 8, Episode 2 “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms.”

Tormund, Edd, Beric Dondarrion, and a few more men make it to Winterfell and update Jon Snow about the Umber Massacre at the Last Hearth. Tormund informs him that the Dead arrived there first, and House Umber is extinct, and part of the Army of the Dead.

Tormund, who has been besotted with Brienne of Tarth since Game of Thrones season 6, asks Jon if she is around. Tormund’s inquiry comes before the onset of the Battle of Winterfell, and it’s quite comical how he cares about the Big Woman’s presence amid the existential threat that they face.

7 “After All That, He Comes North And Takes Her From Me. Just Takes Her, Like That. I Mean It, Clegane. My Heart Is Broken.”

Tormund Giantsbane

• Season 8, Episode 4 “The Last of the Starks.”

Tormund, the Hound, Brienne, and Jaime Lannister are among the survivors of the Battle of Winterfell. The gruesome fight is followed by a funeral and a somber feast where people celebrate their victory and go over their past and present.

The loudest of all, Tormund approaches Brienne’s table, but she rejects his advances and leaves. He takes a hint as he sees Jaime walking after her and cries to Sandor Clegane/ the Hound. Being a Wildling, Tormund believes the real north is beyond the Wall, and that everyone past it is a southerner. He says Jaime came north to steal Brienne from him and briefly wallows in heartbreak. He finds company with a northern woman and leaves the feast a happy man, as opposed to someone who claimed to have suffered heartbreak moments ago.

6 “You Think You Are Fooling Anyone With That Top Knot? Bald ****?”

The Hound

• Season 7, Episode 1 “Dragonstone.”

In Game of Thrones‘ “Dragonstone,” Beric Dondarrion, Thoros of Myr, and a few more men march north, and Sandor finds himself outside the same farmhouse he and Arya had visited in the past. He is sullen, as usual, and declares the owners (a farmer and his daughter) don’t want them here but stops short of disclosing that he had robbed them.

The Hound gets into an argument with Thoros and points out that his top knot doesn’t do a good job of covering the bald spot on his head. The Hound knows how to throw shade and Thoros looks utterly dumbfounded.

5 “I Can’t Go. I’m Supposed To Marry Prince Joffrey. I Love Him And I’m Meant To Be His Queen And Have His Babies.”

Sansa Stark

• Season 1, Episode 6 “A Golden Crown.”

When Ned asks Sansa and Arya to pack up for Winterfell, neither of the girls takes the news well. Arya wants to stay in King’s Landing as she’s getting better at swordplay, while Sansa is obsessed with Joffrey and wants to become his Queen.

She protests the hardest and declares she wants to bear Joffrey’s babies. Arya manages an eye roll and Ned smirks at Sansa’s childish behavior. Sansa, of course, comes a long way from wanting to marry a monster and looking back at her character, it is funny what she wanted out of life back in season 1.

4 “Why Do They Call You Littlefinger?”

Arya Stark

• Season 1, Episode 4 “Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things.”

Young Arya, at the beginning of Game of Thrones, was the most unrestrained of the Starks. She traveled with her sister, Sansa, to King’s Landing when their father was called upon to serve as Hand to King Robert Baratheon.

At the Hand’s tourney held to celebrate Ned’s appointment, Arya blurted out Petyr Baelish’s nickname – Littlefinger – and asked him why people called him so. As Baelish explained the meaning behind the name, it was Arya’s dialogue delivery and Sansa’s instant rebuke that stole the scene. The highlight was seeing Septa Mordane experience secondhand embarrassment from Arya’s behavior.

3 “Yes, Yes, Enough Of The Bloody Pomp. Have At Him!”

Robert Baratheon

• Season 1, Episode 4 “Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things.”

In yet another example of unrestrained and foolish behavior, the Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Robert I clumsily handled the Hand’s tourney. He was least interested in the pomp and circumstance but wanted the competing knights to attack each other.

Robert showed up drunk, and his Queen, Cersei Lannister, walked out because she was embarrassed by his behavior. Though years had made Robert impatient and lazy, he took joy in beggaring the realm and making outlandish public declarations while at it.

2 “War Was Easier Than Daughters.”

Ned Stark

• Season 1, Episode 3 “Lord Snow.”

After the unpleasant incident at the Kingsroad, the Stark sisters, Sansa and Arya squabble at the dinner table in the presence of Septa Mordane. Arya is sent to her room while Ned gives Sansa a doll to cheer her up. She shows no sentimentality and excuses herself, prompting Ned to remark on how difficult parenting daughters is.

While Ned’s quote isn’t funny ha-ha, it sure is a humorous reminder of the challenges that parenting daughters who are on the opposite personality spectrum bring.

1 “You Heard The Hand, The King Is Too Fat For His Armor! Go Find The Breastplate Stretcher! Now!”

Robert Baratheon

• Season 1, Episode 5 “The Wolf and the Lion.”

Robert derived pleasure from torturing his squire, and Cersei’s cousin, Lancel. This one time in Game of Thrones‘ “The Wolf and the Lion,” Ned visits Robert in his tent and finds Lancel struggling to fit him into his old armor. “It’s made too small, it won’t go,” Lancel politely says, and Robert responds by insulting his mother, and his intelligence.

Robert instructs his defenseless squire to find him a breastplate stretcher, knowing full well there exists no such thing. Lancel rushes out of the tent, Ned looks at the king in surprise. The scene exists as a reminder of the wonderful camaraderie Robert and Ned shared.